In an increasingly consumerist society, where appearance is more important than content, marriage is seen in a completely different light than it was in our grandparents' time. As soon as a couple announce their decision to get married to family and friends, preparations immediately begin. From the invitations to the reception, not to mention the flowers, Abit and wedding favors, almost in a sort of frenzy that hovers in the spouses' home. Things were different in ancient times, where the joy of the happy event hid various customs and took on other meanings.
“When are you getting married?”
First of all, it is worth saying that single men and women were not well regarded in society. Marriage was preferable to avoid resentment and prejudice towards celibacy. An unmarried man was “Cumu nu piru 'mpicatatu"a beautiful fruit, but one that serves no purpose. It has no purpose in reproducing life, and therefore its existence is unjustified. Just like the daughters, forced to hear over and over again, "U paru tuu 'un te po' mancare"Equal, not meant as a soul mate or the other half of the apple. No, equal meant as equal in rank. If a good match didn't come along, each family preferred to keep their daughter at home.It was a form of decorum, of dignity, which did not allow women to enter a “lower” family. How then to choose the scion?
The Promessi Sposi
It was the parents who made marriage promises for their children, when they were still very young. They used to carve the names of the engaged couple on two stones, which they placed in a hidden corner until the two grew up.Ce mintimu na pitruzza”, is the typical expression, sometimes still used today, when a couple of parents hope that their children will get married (together). But there were also love marriagesWhen a young man fell in love with a girl, the first step was to let her know. How?With the embassy", a private message that was delivered to her by a relative or a friend of hers. And to find out if the love was reciprocated? The survey was launched.GrabbingThe young man would place a large log in front of the door and wait for his beloved's response the next day. If the log was brought in, it was a yes. If it was removed, it was clearly a refusal.
Even in this case, it was obligatory to listen to one's parents' opinion. If they considered the marriage unacceptable, the two lovers could resort to the expedient of "Fujitin”, a dishonor for the whole family. If the parents agreed, all the “negotiations” and preparations for the wedding began. After the official introductions, those "signals of esteem" immediately started between the families of the future spousesSo every occasion was a good one to exchange some gifts. Oil, cured meats, sweets, wine, dried figs. A bit like what happens today. Then we moved on to the obligatory formalities. The Entrustment and the Solemn PromiseWith the Entrustment, the circle of witnesses was expanded, as witnesses were chosen to appear before the Civil Status Officer. The Solemn Promise, however, was performed before the Parish Priest, who questioned them separately before the religious rite. Once this was done, all that was missing was the wedding!
Preparing for the wedding
A few days before, a parade of women carried, in wicker baskets, the “cream" from the girl's house to the newlyweds' home. It was the trousseau that every mother prepares from the birth of a daughter. The procession was preceded by a man playing the accordion to attract the attention of the people who looked out from windows and balconies to look around. It was up to the mother-in-law to receive the cream, which made an official estimate of it before placing it in huts and chest of drawers. The trousseau was very important as it constituted the obligatory basis of the dowry which, however rich or poor, had to last a lifetime. The day before the wedding, the nuptial bed was preparedIn many countries, this custom is still widespread today. It was always the mother-in-law's responsibility to do it. Strictly white sheets and blankets, full of confetti (equally white) and, in the luckiest cases, money.
And the bride's dress? The mother-in-law was also responsible for this! On the long-awaited day, she would arrive at the bride's house early, bearing the dress. While today the groom is not supposed to see his future wife's wedding dress, back then she was also supposed to know nothing about it. The color, which later became white, could vary from cream, to purple, to black, to blue, in a solid color or with floral patterns.Once the religious rite was celebrated, the wedding banquet took place at the newlyweds' home. They ate their fill, drank wine, and danced the tarantella to the sound of the accordion. At the end of the day the guests delivered the wedding gifts. "On things and reindeer”, exclaimed the parents of the spouses, promising to return the gift at the right time. …EvLong live the newlyweds!
Photo by Egidio Baratta
