Italian mothers abroad: advantages and disadvantages

Being a mom abroad is one of the biggest challenges. Raising your children in a different context from ours is not an easy thing. The situation offers indisputable advantages, but also disadvantages.

In this article we will try to deal point by point both the negative and the positive sides.

Advantages for children and parents

• They grow in a MULTICULTURAL ENVIRONMENT, they soon learn that the culture they belong to is not necessarily the only one to refer to. This will help them settle easily into the liquid, barrier-free world that is rapidly building.
  
• They speak multiple languages. They are in practice BILINGUAL or TRILINGUAL. Usually in families the language of origin is preserved and spoken while at school they study in the local language, practicing it like natives. If one of the parents is not Italian but of a nationality still different from the local one, the children will soon become trilinguals. The brain of a bi-trilingual is more malleable, it is able to accept diversity more easily and, consequently, parents also become more tolerant and flexible if they want to establish an open and profound dialogue with their offspring.
  
• Children, exposed to different and more stimulating inputs than those proposed in a known and protected environment as could happen at home, GROW STRONGER, with a tendency not to complain and not to seek out loopholes from problems. They learn to confront each other, they open up to dialogue, they easily overcome any problems that in other conditions would require greater efforts.
  

  Babies become adults earlier

• In the societies of Northern Europe and North America, for example, at 16 you leave your home and at 20, you often have a job and manage to be independent even economically. This is possible not only thanks to the fact of living abroad, but also and above all thanks to a social system that allows the development of the independence of young people at a suitable age. Children soon integrate into the host society and parents do not have to worry about the uncertain working and professional future that, for example, afflicts the thoughts of parents whose children live in Italy.
• Living abroad and, therefore, away from the influence of the families of grandparents, siblings, cousins ​​and the rest of the relatives, parents are able to give their children the education they deem most suitable for their needs. Raising a child abroad allows you to DO NOT SUGGEST FAMILY INGESTIONS which are instead widespread in the country.

Disadvantages for children and parents

• THE MULTICULTURAL ENVIRONMENT CAN BE DISRUPTING. If, therefore, on the one hand, in general, exposure to stimuli and novelties helps a child to grow and develop greater problem-solving skills and ease of integration, on the other hand, it can sometimes cause rejection and lack of integration. I could take the example of Aurora, who wrote a chapter of our book dedicated to Women who Emigrate Abroad, where she describes the problems encountered by her two children once they moved from Italy to Denmark: refusal of food, refusal to learn the tongue, closing in on oneself. Help from a psychotherapist is essential in such cases and now Aurora's children are gradually integrating into the Danish reality.
• Bi-trilingualism can have tricky downsides. It may happen that it gives rise to some COMMUNICATION MISunderstanding BETWEEN PARENTS AND CHILDREN. Strong languages ​​usually exist in expatriate families. Which, depending on the circumstances, prevail when one and when the other. A practical example: an Italian mother will speak the Italian language as a strong language. A daughter of an Italian mother raised on English soil will speak English as a strong language. At the communicative level, misunderstandings and misunderstandings can arise due to the different level of mastery of different languages. In this case, in order not to damage the parent-child relationship, it is always good to remember that it is the parent who must compromise. Trying to explain himself better and to make himself understood by his son. Especially if small, and don't expect the opposite behavior.
  

  The distance from the family of origin: grandparents and uncles

• Yes, this is one of the biggest stumbling blocks to face when moving abroad. Shortly before we counted the absence of the family of origin as a positive point. As it allows not to be interfered with in the educational systems that parents choose for their children. But now we need to analyze the disadvantages. Grandparents are an irreplaceable resource, a source of ancient knowledge and a continuation of family traditions themselves. Distance creates a void that is difficult to fill. Which requires extra effort from those moving out of Italy. Not only on a psychological and emotional support level, but also on a practical level. Whenever a child at home can count on the care of his grandparents, abroad he must instead rely on the care of people outside the family. Like nannies, baby sitters and mothers of other children who organize play dates. At the same time, this can be a source of concern not only for children but also for the parents themselves.
• POSSIBLE SENSATION OF LACK OF ROOTS. From point 3 it is easy to deduce that children who grow up abroad risk experiencing a sense of cultural "uprooting". Antonella from Sweden, who deals with the insertion and bilingualism of children of Italians and mixed couples in the Swedish school, says that "children belong to the culture of the place where they grow up" and not necessarily to the culture of their parents. It is a fact that anyone who emigrates with young children must take into high consideration. So that it can face the dynamics of the process with awareness. È It is essential to always remind children of the country they come from and to keep alive the traditions of the homeland they left behind in the family. This instills in the children a greater sense of belonging and allows them to experience the transition with greater serenity.

Article created with the personal contribution of the authors of the website www.donnecheemigranoallestero.com

Antonella from Stockholm. Valentina and Katia from Locarno. Elena from London. Stefania from Hong Kong. Annalisa from Annecy. Paola from Utrecht. Daniela from Den Haag. Elena from Vancouver.